Chadwick Sapenter

Bloom Where You're Planted

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January 8, 2021 by Chadwick

Addict Addiction The Art of Hope

Are you an addict? Do you struggle with addiction? No matter what your addiction is there is help for you.

For all of my life, pretty much every day, I’m battling addiction. Now, I don’t use drugs. If you do, no judgement from me that’s your thing, that’s just not my thing. I hate the thought of my mind being controlled by something else.

And also I watched my father die addicted to heroin, using other drugs. I’ve seen it just destroy lives. So for me personally I don’t wanna start. I don’t wanna start because I just don’t know how far it’s gonna go, and some of that stuff looks way too fun. It just looks like, man, they’re having a really good time, and then they end up with no teeth. So I’m like, no, no, no. I’m gonna chill. I will lose my teeth another way, but it won’t be ’cause of crack or meth or whatever it is

And just to be clear this podcast episode is me sharing my thoughts on addiction in my own life and why I must fight it.

This episode is NOT a deep dive on addiction as it pertains to the serious neurological and physical issues created by addiction. I hope that I don’t come off as insincere or minimizing on this issue. Enjoy the show

For more info on addictions support and resources visit here.

You can also download The Art of Hope Show podcast here

00:00 Chadwick Sapenter: Welcome to The Art of Hope podcast with your host Chadwick Sapenter. If you're willing to dream bigger than whatever your environment is, then anything is possible. It's time to create the path to your success by overcoming your past, embracing your present and outlining your future. Today that goal becomes a reality. Every journey begins with the first step. So let's begin. The Art of Hope podcast.

00:32 CS: Welcome to The Art Of Hope show. My name is Chadwick Sapenter. This is episode 1.3. At some point, I'm gonna call it episode three. Thank you guys for tuning in. It's gonna be a great show. So let me ask you, are you an addict? Are you an addict? Do you struggle with addiction? For all of my life, pretty much every day, I'm battling addiction. Now, I don't use drugs. If you do, that's your thing, that's just not my thing. I hate the thought of my mind being controlled by something else. And then I watched my father die addicted to heroin, using other drugs. I've seen it just destroy lives. So I don't wanna start. I don't wanna start because I just don't know how far it's gonna go, and some of that stuff looks way too fun. It just looks like, man, they're having a really good time, and then they end up with no teeth. So I'm like, no, no, no. I'm gonna chill. I will lose my teeth another way, but it won't be 'cause of crack or meth or whatever it is.

01:48 CS: Well, anyway, even though I don't struggle with "drug addiction," that's a lie, because I think caffeine's a drug. And I don't never crave coffee, that's never my thing. I'll drink some Bulletproof coffee in the morning, but that's more so for breakfast and get me through fasting in the morning, but I don't sleep enough. And so when I'm tired throughout the day, I'll go grab a Yerba mate shot or some type of shot of something to, oh, I got a little pep, but it's fake, it's caffeine. It's drug induced, it's what it is. But then, it really hit me that I struggled with addiction when I went full-on keto. Man, it really let me know how addicted to sugar that I am. I craved it, sweated, all of the withdrawal effects that you have. I was an addict. So even though I had been pretty intentional about not succumbing to some of the other temptations, whether it be marijuana and other drugs, alcohol. And again, I ain't judging nobody. If that's you, do your thing. You gotta live your life, right? I'm living mine. But what I'm saying is, is that although I'd overcome those things, I still had addictive behavior. So a lot of that addiction, it was, I noticed this. When I kicked the sugar, and that's kind of went up and down, if I'm being honest. It bothered me. I hated it. Food didn't even taste good anymore, but I still want that sugar crack, right.

03:40 CS: When I kicked the sugar, and even the caffeine, it's like, I don't worry about it anymore, you know what I mean, 'cause I know it's nonsense, and there's other ways for me to get energy. But when I really got intentional about that, you know what increased? My phone. My phone usage became insane. And listen, I'm not talking about productive phone use. It's literally trap after trap after trap. I will open up Twitter on my web browser on my computer and then turn away and while it's open on my computer just involuntarily open it on my phone. I rarely post on Instagram, but I'll scroll through there for no reason, looking at nothing, knowing I'm not looking for anything, I'm not searching for anything, I'm just flipping my thumb. And then I realized, this is when I realized that I really had an addiction problem because my battery would be dead on my phone and I would still be reaching and flicking through my phone. That's a problem. That's a problem.

04:58 CS: So I had saw this article, it was on Quartz, qz.com. The title was called Kicking the Habit. I Quit my iPhone Habit Using WebMD's Advice For Dealing With Drug Addiction. So let me find the author. The author of this article is a person... I think it originally appeared on Nathan's blog. I don't know, go to Quartz, Nathan's blog. I don't know who the author is, I'm sorry. Nathan Toups, there we go. So, Kicking the Habit. I Quit my iPhone Habit Using WebMD's Advice for Dealing with Drug Addiction by Nathan Toups, TOUPS. This is a May 2nd article of last year. And so basically what he did is took the Signs of Drug Addiction, it's an article on WebMD, I'm sure you can Google that title. And then he just modified the word and just put smartphone. Just modified the key signature behaviors outlined to describe smartphone usage addiction.

06:00 CS: So here are some signs that you should ask yourself, am I addicted to my smartphone? Number one, you keep using your phone after it's no longer needed to solve a problem. Yes, that's me. You spend more and more of your time on your phone to get the same effects. I don't really know what that means, but I do it. You feel strange when you don't have your phone. Strange, lost.

06:56 CS: I have to go back, give me a loaner phone. You can't stop yourself from using your phone even if you don't want to. This is tough to admit. I pick my phone... I have so much stuff to do, so much stuff to do. I gotta put this phone down. You can't stop yourself from using your phone, even if you don't want to, just read that one. You have a hard time giving yourself limits. You might say you only use so much, but then can't stop and end up using twice that amount. Or you use it more often than you meant to. Yeah, we're not talking about cocaine, crack, we're talking about your phone. Yes, that's me. Right now, I have limits set on my phone, violated every last one of them. Why am I being this way? I don't know. Maybe I'm not perfect. Next one, you've begun having trouble doing normal daily things without your phone. Next one, you drive or do other dangerous things like use heavy machinery while using... While you are on your phone. Next one, you borrow money to pay for your phone. I ain't broke so that ain't me. You hide some phone use or the effect it is having on you from others. So I'm looking at all of those steps right now. Keep in mind, Nathan modified these from drug addiction and just put some behaviors for phone and just to all but one, I can check those off.

08:30 CS: I can check each of those off. So what is that... What is that? Have we escaped some other addiction only to have one that that may be equally dangerous? We have no idea what these things are doing to our brain, or what they're gonna mean in the long term, we just use them or whatever. So my question is, is, how are you battling your addiction? So one of the things that my goal, this is my goal. Today is... I'm falling short of the goal. I'ma fix this shit, but I'm just being honest, right? Because you can labor with me, right? Not perfection, execution though. We just want to keep taking steps. So I have some big things that I'm working on and so I said, "Okay until I get these things accomplished, I'm leaving social media alone." It's pretty difficult because I run a couple of organizations which require me to be online and respond to things sometimes, so I get caught up in it, but what I gotta do is I gotta get an assistant that handles the responses or really gets serious about boundaries. So it's not about me not knowing what I need to do to actually beat this addiction. That would be a lie.

09:55 CS: I know exactly what I need to do. It's about doing it, which is why it's an addiction because you can't stop doing something even though you know how and what you should be doing. So here's the thing. I'm asking you to labor with me in this battle. And every week, I'm just gonna kinda give a report on my screen usage, right? Specifically social media usage. And I'm counting YouTube on there, right? It's almost like we like being distracted so much, like me I just need the background noise. I need something in the background or else I get too far alone in my thoughts. When I know the best thing that I can do is sit quite still. Now, I protect my mornings for the most part. But the real trouble is this, is that in the evenings, if you don't guard your evenings, it's going to affect your morning. If you're on your phone all night before bed, it's gonna cause a problem. Like the Model Health Show. He talks a lot about the blue light and the effects that it has on our brain.

10:58 CS: And I don't remember the exact quote. It was something like for every 30 minutes that we spend with that light, it's like our body loses a hour of REM sleep. Don't quote me on it, I'll find it. The episode that it was on, but it was... He's a beast, so of course. But my point is, is that this phone addiction, this thing that we carry around, that's a beautiful tool, that is so helpful, that has just made our lives so connected, made us so much more knowledgeable, about so many more things. Like for example, when I was in college, I used to be able to go to parties and... Or to the club and I could pretend like I was in the NFL and girls would start liking you and would be nice to you because they thought you were in the NFL. And they had no way of validating it. And I would give 'em a fake name. I think Champ Jones, that was my name. Champ Jones, that was my go to. It just sounds like somebody who's playing in the league. And they couldn't look it up and it worked out beautiful.

12:00 CS: But today, that whole hustle is done. That whole hustle is done. Because real quick, pull up this person. "You're not on NFL.com. I'm hitting search, you're not nowhere on Google," none of that stuff, right? Yeah, now in hindsight, that's... It's a pretty lame scam, right? To be trying to get girls 'cause I ain't have to do all that. But I was trying to get some of these, whatever. But anyway, this thing, this beautiful tool that's changed our lives has also created an obstacle to our progress. What if I cut my phone usage time in half. Let me pull it up right now. I'm ashamed to do this, but I'ma do it right now, so my phone usage for the last week, if I'm going to my screen time on my iPhone, so for the last...

13:07 CS: So for today, I've spent nine hours and 25 minutes on my phone. I woke up at about 5:00 this morning, it's 10 o'clock PM, I've been on my phone a lot. Now, of that time, one hour and 41 minutes of that was spent social networking. Let me dig into see, but see, some of this is false because I deleted the Twitter and Instagram Apps from my phone, so it's probably not as accurate as it can be, an hour and 32 in text messages, hour and 19 minutes in my email. Productivity is just very little. Here's my point. Now let's go compare that to the last seven days. So over the last seven days, my usage is, it's calculating... So looks like it's down a little bit, but here's my point, my point is this, is that, well, no, I'm actually, I'm 55 minutes above my average as of today, so it's just ridiculous. Now today's been a busy day, there's been a lot going on, but point being, what if instead of that nine and a half hours using my phone, I was working on this book that I need to get finished, I was mapping out the staff that I need to get hired for this new business. All of these things that I'm like, that are really, really important?

14:48 CS: And nobody made them important. These are things that I'm saying I wanna do and get done, but I'm allowing this damn phone to control me, it's bothering me, right? I'm gonna kick its ass, I'm gonna break this habit. This is not fixing to be something that rules me. 'cause the main thing with addiction is this, is that something is mastering you, something is controlling your mind, and controlling your actions. I don't want to be mastered by anything, and that's what addiction does, it gives our control over to something else. Listen, it's not just the drugs. Like I mentioned before, it could be caffeine, it could be sugar, our cell phones, it could be sex, it could be money, it could be the gym. We are saying, "Hey, I am giving myself over to this thing", and really, what I wanna be addicted to is being focused, I wanna be addicted to the grind, I wanna be addicted to thriving, to actually accomplishing my goals, that's the only addiction I want. Right now, I have to ask myself this because I wanna be a high achieving person, all right? I wanna be somebody that does, I wanna be one of these freaks.

16:12 CS: That's my standard, to be like the dude that's up at... Jacko, right? Like Jocko and, I don't know, name somebody else, right? Like I wanna be like a combination of these dudes that's just like super locked in and focused and that's my standard for myself. Nobody gave me that, right? Like nobody's gonna even hold me accountable to that. Nobody saying, "Chad, this is who you need to be", but for me, that's who I wanna be, I wanna be somebody that executes and gets the shit done that I say I'm gonna get done, it gets up when I say I get up, and it goes through all these things and it's discipline, right? Again, it's absolutely discipline, but time and time again, I give myself over to this addiction. It doesn't matter if it's sugar, it doesn't matter if it's caffeine, it doesn't matter if it's my phone, I'm allowing myself to be mastered by mediocrity and what about you? Like what's mastering you? Forget anybody else's expectations or standards, how are you doing when it comes to meeting your own expectations and standards? Are you living up to it? Like are you hitting your own metrics, your goals, like are you there?

17:22 CS: I'd like you to ask yourself, so leave a comment, tell me, what is the addiction that's driving you, how are you gonna fight it, what are you gonna do about it, when are you gonna say enough is enough? I'm gonna try to keep y'all updated on the progress and I'm saying trying, because I don't know if I'm gonna do it, I don't know, right? Like I gotta do this and it ain't about me, it's not about this telling you that I have this problem, this shit really bothers me, because I need to do what I need to do, and you need to do what you need to do. You have to ask yourself like, why are you not doing the shit that you say you wanna do? Not, nobody said you have to have goals! Like you could choose average all day long, and nobody is gonna have a problem because everybody wants to be average, but for those of you who like me, who wanna be a high achiever, who want to be like a somebody who executes, that gets your shit done, you gotta fight this, man, we gotta fight this. And man, you know the hardest part, it's not hard when you have nothing, it's not hard when all you have is the concrete, right?

18:24 CS: Like when I was there, man, I was locked in. I would get invited to these phenomenal opportunities with friends and then all of these things and I'm like, "No, I gotta work, I don't deserve it", but somehow right now because I've accomplished a little bit, no one near where I wanna be but so far from where I was, right? Like most people would say you're a success and you've made and you've achieved, but I'm so far, I am not 10% to where I plan on being, and so, but somehow I'm more comfortable now, right? I'm not as focused when in reality, I have more riding and at stake than I ever have. I should be more focused and so should you. Now's not the time to give in and now is not the time to give yourself over to comfort. So figure out what do you need to do to fight the addiction? Maybe it's going to AA, maybe it's finding like a Celebrate Recovery group at a church in your city, maybe whatever it is you need to do, I'm gonna fight mine, I'm gonna beat this like I refuse, like I refuse, I just refuse to be dominated and mastered by these things, by these low mediocre habits. I'm encouraging you to do the same thing.

19:05 CS: Thank you guys for tuning into the Art of Hope show. Again, this is persistence, not perfection. I'm just gonna get this shit done. I'm not worried about having it perfect, because it doesn't exist, and if I do that, I won't execute. I have to hit my goal, I can't lie to myself. So I hope you love it and I hope you keep tuning in, go on this journey with me. Leave me a five-star review, comment, do all of those things below. I'm looking forward to next time. Fight that addiction, get some help where you need it, don't be lying to yourself and go crush them damn goals. I'm out.

Filed Under: Inspiration, Podcast

January 7, 2021 by Chadwick

Excuses

In life, you have two choices, you can make moves or you can make excuses, but you can’t do both, that’s it. Let me tell you something, your bills don’t care about your excuses, your family that’s depending on you don’t care about the excuses that you have. You got two choices, make moves or make excuses, because you cannot do both.

EVERY DAY YOU HAVE A CHOICE

Every single day, we’re faced with an obstacle and an opportunity. We have two choices, we’re gonna obsess over one of them. You are either going to obsess over the obstacle or are you going to obsess over the opportunity? That’s a choice that you have to make because the obstacle are very real, but so is the opportunity. Neither of them are as big as you think, or I’ll say this, the obstacle is not as big as you think it is, and the opportunity is not as small as you think it is. They’re both real, our perception of each of them is the problem, ’cause we think the obstacle is a lot bigger than what it actually is, and we think the opportunity is a lot smaller. But the truth is this world, this life, we are filled with infinite opportunities. And in front of each opportunity usually lies an obstacle.

Now, I know everybody’s starting point is a little bit different. Some people start on the third floor, some start on the first, some start at the penthouse, and some start in the basement. That’s not what I’m talking about. Your starting point is your starting point.

You didn’t have any control over where you started, but you do have control over where you go and what you do with your life now.

THE OPPORTUNITY…

The opportunity to live your dreams, to accomplish the unthinkable, to overcome your circumstances and environment is bigger than you ever would imagine. The obstacles that you have in front of you, a lot of those obstacles are things that you have created yourself. And for the most part they only exist within your mind.

Life will always present you with an excuse to justify or allow you to explain why things haven’t worked out for you.

But maybe you have one of the following excuses:

  • You may feel that the color of your skin is what’s holding you back.
  • It could be that you had a really hard upbringing.
  • I didn’t go to the right schools
  • I don’t have enough money
  • Some other lie you tell yourself to put the responsibility of where you are in life on someone or something other than yourself.

Whatever your excuses is, you can make them if you want to that’s your right. But they won’t get you anywhere in life.

Listen to this podcast episode on The Art of Hope Show Podcast

Visit my blog to read more about the problem with making excuses or to watch the episode on Youtube

00:00 Chadwick Sapenter: Welcome to The Art of Hope show. I'm your host, Chadwick Sapenter. Today, we're gonna be talking about the two choices you have in life, you can either make moves or make excuses, but you can't do both. It's gonna be a great show. Thank you guys for tuning in, let's go.

[music]

00:18 S?: Welcome to the Art of Hope podcast, with your host, Chadwick Sapenter.

00:23 CS: If you're willing to dream bigger than whatever your environment is, then anything is possible.

00:28 S?: It's time to create the path to your success by overcoming your past, embracing your present, and outlining your future.

00:35 CS: Today, that goal becomes a reality.

00:37 S?: Every journey begins with the first step. So let's begin, the Art of Hope podcast.

00:46 CS: In life, you have two choices, you can make moves or you can make excuses, but you can't do both, that's it. Make moves or make excuses, you can't do both. Let me tell you something, your bills don't care about your excuses, your family that's depending on you don't care about the excuses that you have. You got two choices, make moves or make excuses, because you cannot do both. Every single day, we're faced with an obstacle and an opportunity. We have two choices, we're gonna obsess over one of them. Are you gonna obsess over the obstacle or are you going to obsess over the opportunity? That's a choice that you have to make because the obstacle's very real, but so is the opportunity. Neither of them are as big as you think, or I'll say this, the obstacle is not as big as you think it is, and the opportunity is not as small as you think it is. They're both real, our perception of each of them is the problem, 'cause we think the obstacle is a lot bigger than what it actually is, and we think the opportunity is a lot smaller. But the truth is this world, this life, we are filled with infinite opportunities.

02:06 CS: Now, I know everybody's starting point is a little bit different. Some people start on the third floor, some start on the first, some start at the penthouse. That's not what I'm talking about. Your starting point is your starting point. A lot of times, you didn't have any control over where you started, but you do control with what you do now. The opportunity to live your dreams, to accomplish the unthinkable, to overcome your circumstances and environment is bigger than you ever would imagine. The obstacles that you... In front of you, a lot of those obstacles are things that we created ourselves, they just exist within our mind. It's all I'm saying is this, is you have two choices, you can make move, or you can make excuses, you can't do both. So maybe you're thinking, "You know what, but Chad, you don't understand. My life is hard, I'm going through this... " or, "Racism is the reason why I'm unable to overcome it, because of... " I don't know, something, or "Because I'm too black, or I'm too fat, or I'm a woman, or I'm from... I didn't go to the right schools, or I don't have enough money," or whatever the hell your excuses is, you can make them if you want to, but I'm gonna tell you, you're not gonna get nowhere in life making them excuses.

03:28 CS: And again, your kids can't eat those excuses, the people depending on you can't eat those excuses, your dreams don't care about your excuses. The more actions you take, the closer your dreams come to becoming a reality. And not perfect... Not perfect pursuit, but pursuit in spite of not being perfect, 'cause you have two choices, you can make moves or you can make excuses, but you can't do both. So you're feeling like, life is just so hard, right? For some of you, life is so hard that all you have is complaints. So to those of you who are going to throw an objection into every opportunity, you are going to be the pessimist that finds difficulty in every opportunity, no matter what. You're always the person to say, "Well, you know, I don't know, I don't know... You know, you should... " Whatever it is... If that's you, let me, I'ma tell you, here's my message to you complainers, to you people who are lazy, to those of you who have already decided that life's gonna be too hard and you're unwilling to go see what can happen.

04:31 CS: And not only that, this is my message to you who are trying to convince other people that they should not try either. You know what, you should just give up. You should just throw in the towel because why not? If you're gonna keep making all these damn excuses, if you're gonna keep blaming your dad for abandoning you when he was a kid, and that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, but if you're gonna keep blaming him and that's the reason why you haven't done anything with your life, or the reason why you're doing the same thing to your own children, well, you know what, you have your excuses loser, 'cause that's what you are. That's what you are. And it sounds hard and mean, but man, whatever, whatever. You're crying about things you can't control, instead of taking action towards the things you can control, right? You're a loser. You're choosing to be. And listen, you can be a rich loser, you can be a poor loser, you can have all the stuff in the world, it has nothing to do with it.

05:27 CS: It has everything to do about your mindset, even if you, if externally, you appear to be successful, right? All of the material things that people would lay on you to say these are measures of success, the car, the house, the money, you wear the right clothes, you can go to the right places, you can buy the right things, and you can put on 20 masks, 'cause that's essentially what we use trinkets for, not all of us, but some of us, that's what we do. Even you, if you're still using your past or whatever label somebody has placed on you as an excuse for not being the best person that you can be towards the people that love you, about going full hard and towards those dreams. Now here's the thing, when you're successful, some of those dreams, we may suppress for the opportunities just to build some cash. Now listen, there's a time where you gotta say, "Eh, I can't really do that right now, I gotta work." But then there's the time where we get enough money and we have enough and we have plenty of money, but we still aren't pursuing those things that we know in our heart of hearts that we should be going after, you too are a loser.

06:39 CS: But really, really, here's the thing: Hardships happen, life can kick you in the face, but you gotta dust yourself off and you gotta get up and you gotta go after it, you gotta get up and you gotta go after it. Dealing with a divorce, you still gotta love your kids, man. Baby momma tripping, you still gotta love your kids, man. I'm kinda all over the place right now, but my point being is that wherever you are in life, is that you either gotta make moves or you gotta make excuses, you can't do both. Those of us who decide to make moves are going to find out that we can quickly overcome the circumstances that we're involved in. Those of you, and I'm being clear, 'cause I'm not the one that's gonna be making excuses. Those of you who have chosen to make excuses, you're gonna get the results of those actions. You're gonna win, you're gonna win the excuse battle and you'll look up and have a sad ass life and be blaming other people forever, and it's never gonna be your fault, you have to own it, you have to own it. If you succeed, if you succeed, to God be the glory, if you fail, that's on you, you have everything that you need.

07:43 CS: If you live in this country right now, if you're in the United States of America, you're here. I don't care if you're in the projects, I don't care if you're in the suburbs, don't care if you're in the penthouse or in a mansion, it doesn't matter, if you are here, more specifically, if you are here and you have a device that allows you to hear my voice right now, you're one of the luckiest people in the world, you're one of the most fortunate people in the entire world, of however many billions of people, the 300-plus million people right here in the United States, we have no excuse. We don't all have the same starting point, but we have no excuse. It's up to you how you perceive it, everybody keeps telling you that it's okay for you to be a victim, it's not. It's a lie, man. It's a lie. It's not okay for you to blame the other people, whoever they are, right? And now, they're making up all these damn words to try to describe why you have to stay behind. I'm telling you, you don't listen to me, man, woman, child, listen to me, you have the opportunity to do whatever it is that you set your mind and your heart towards. Period. Period.

08:58 CS: Each of us do. All of us have the opportunity to go after those things. Don't let anybody give you a list of excuses on the ski slope downhill towards low expectations and mediocrity. They will load your back with every single excuse, and the part of the reason why it's done is so that you don't feel bad when you don't go after it and you don't achieve, now you can always blame somebody else. It can be one of the -isms or the -ists, somebody who was racist or sexist, racism or whatever it is, right? And man, listen, not to say that those things don't happen, there are racist people, there's sexist people, there are people who mistreat people all the time, that happens, right? That is not an explicitly American thing, no specific group in America has the right or the trademark on racism or sexism or abuse. Period. No gender has the lock on the exclusivity of any type of abuse or mistreatment of other people. All of us know people and have been around people that mistreat other people. I hope you're not one of them, but maybe you are.

10:17 CS: So it's not to say that those things don't exist, because they very well do exist, but what I'm saying is that, even though those things may be real, it's still not an excuse for you not living up and becoming who it is that you're supposed to be, because if you allow those things to become excuses, we allow these excuses to rule our hearts and our minds, then what we decide to do is to succumb to failure, and failure is not about reaching a specific destination, but it's about giving up. So what I wanna encourage you today is, listen, don't give up. Make moves, don't make excuses. Make moves, don't make excuses. Make moves today, make moves today, choose, take that step, call that person, apply for that job, right? Leave that job, right? Go do it, make moves, make moves, don't make excuses. Excuses do not help you. Those are anchors weighing you down, tripping you up. Make moves, don't make excuses, have an amazing day, go crush it today. We will not make excuses today, we will not blame other people for our shortcomings, we will own it, we will own it, we will own it, we will own it, and then we're gonna do something to change it. That's who you are, that's who you are, that's who you have to be.

11:40 CS: Nothing is gonna come easy, no circumstance is going to change without you taking massive action and throwing those excuses away, get rid of them. Each of us have the responsibility to get rid of those excuses. Make moves or make excuses, or shut the hell up. Period. Those are your only two choices, make moves or make excuses, that's it. My name's Chadwick Sapenter, thank you guys for tuning in. Listen, leave a comment, let me know, what excuses are you getting rid of today? What moves are you [12:13] ____.

[music]

12:36 CS: Not perfection. Pursuit, not perfection. Let's go.

Filed Under: Articles, Inspiration, My Blog, Podcast

January 6, 2021 by Chadwick

Responsibility

In today’s episode we’re gonna be talking about the six Ps, one of the mantras that I live by and how it has helped me to take responsibility for the direction of my life. I want this to be something that you embody, if you find it helpful.

When I was in college the 6ps are one of the things that I learned that helped me take responsibility for my choices and responsibility for my actions. Think about a kid coming up with not much direction little to no parental guidance. On top of that I had two younger brothers I was responsible for. I made the best choices I could given the circumstances, but that’s not saying much. Some things I got right, some things I screwed up.

We each have to resist the urge to blame other people or external circumstances for the things that happen in our life. If we think through the different scenarios it can eliminate surprises, set backs, and failing to perform due to a lack of preparedness. For ex:

Prepare for the uncontrolled variables that you will deal with.

Pack an extra pen.

Assume there will be an accident that backs up traffic.

Pack an extra pair of clothes just in case.

My goal has always been to overcome the internal and external limitations.

Learning these 6ps helped me take responsibility for my life and I hope they will help you or someone you know.

1. Proper

2. Prior

3. Preparation

4. Prevents

5. Poor

6. Performance

You can also download The Art of Hope Show podcast here

00:00 Speaker 1: Welcome to The Art of Hope podcast with your host, Chadwick Sapenter.

00:08 Chadwick Sapenter: If you're willing to dream bigger than whatever your environment is, then anything is possible.

00:13 S1: It's time to create the path to your success by overcoming your past, embracing your present and outlining your future.

00:21 S3: The day that goal becomes a reality.

00:24 S1: Every journey begins with the first step. So let's begin. The Art Of Hope podcast.

00:31 CS: Welcome to The Art of Hope show. My name is Chadwick Sapenter. This is episode six. In today's episode we're gonna be talking about the six Ps, the mantra that I... Or I'll say one of the mantras that I live by and it has helped me to take ownership of the direction of my life. I'm gonna be sharing with you. So grab a pen, write it down, we're gonna get to it. I want this to be something that you embody, if you find it helpful.

01:00 CS: The question is, what are the six Ps? Way back when I was in college and I say way back, too long ago, one of the things that I learned or that helped me... Think about a kid coming up, not much direction, pretty much raised myself for the most part, was always just had to figure it out and I had two younger brothers that, hey I'll make the best choices that I can for us and they follow behind me. Some things I got right, some things I screwed up but it wasn't much direction, especially not from older people. It just wasn't there.

01:37 CS: But one of these lessons I learned, it completely changed me and it was the six Ps. And here are the six Ps? Proper prior preparation prevents poor performance. Proper prior preparation prevents poor performance. The six, proper prior preparation prevents poor performance. Yeah, so that's the six Ps and we'll get into each of those areas on how I apply them and then the rest of the mantra will go like this, Proper prior preparation prevents poor performance, those who fail to plan, should plan to fail. Those who fail to plan, should plan to fail and basically what it is, is that look, it's not mother nature's fault if I am not where I'm supposed to be at the time I'm supposed to be there.

02:37 CS: So for example, six Ps, if you have to be at work at 8 o'clock in the morning, you get up at 6 o'clock, decide to leave the house at 7:30, it usually takes you 15 minutes to get to work so you figure you get there 15 minutes early or give you five minutes to stop at Starbucks, get a coffee or something like that but you get on the highway and you run into traffic and now you're at a standstill. So instead of getting there 15 minutes early, you end up getting to work 15 minutes late and you come in and you're like, "Oh, I'm sorry, it was traffic. I was sitting there, I left same time I usually do but traffic happened and I couldn't get there." No. Six Ps. Proper prior preparation prevents poor performance.

03:28 CS: You should be anticipating that there could be traffic. You should be anticipating that something's going to happen that could throw you off. For example, you showed up 15 minutes late, what if instead of leaving at 7:30, you left at 7 o'clock? Now, even if you end up with traffic, you still get to work 15 minutes early or 30 minutes earlier but you're not late. So whose fault was it? Was it the traffic's fault? Was it the person who got in the accident or the dog that crossed the highway, was that... No, it was your fault. It was your fault for leaving late. Six Ps, own that.

04:08 CS: Now, some of my staff, that exact scenario would happen and I would just shoot them a text like, six Ps. They'd be like, "Hey, I'm gonna be a little bit late. I'm running into traffic" and I would text them, "Six Ps." And they get pissed. Sometimes they would get pissed but then finally, they're just like, "What is the six Ps?" So I explained it to them and the main thing is, it's just taking ownership.

04:24 CS: Another example; maybe you have a test or some type of certification or you need to get some type of license and you have an exam coming up that you need to take and life starts happening. Your kid gets sick, wife goes in the hospital, everything, Murphy's law just busts you in the face. Everything that can go wrong, goes wrong and you got a new baby so you are unable to sleep and so what you decide to do is, I'm just gonna go take the test. Hopefully it goes well and then you fail the test. Six Ps, man. Proper prior preparation prevents poor performance. Those who fail to plan, should plan to fail. Simple as that because even in that scenario listen, the main thing is this. It's just understanding that life is not slowing down because of the emergencies that happen for you. Life's gonna keep going. Life don't care nothing about your dog dying, life don't care that your parents got sick, life don't care that you've had an emergency with a sick kid, it doesn't. Life don't care.

05:40 CS: Now, it doesn't mean you don't care, right? Obviously, these are your circumstances so they do have a real impact on you but the thing is, life is gonna keep moving and so sometimes those opportunities that are waiting for you are happening in the middle of chaos happening in your personal life. What the six Ps teaches us is that even in the middle of the chaos, we continue to move forward. We don't let the distractions of life give us a way out. We don't use them as an excuse for not accomplishing the goal that we set before us and how do you do that because there are things that are gonna happen in life that you aren't prepared for that you didn't expect to happen, right? But some of it is just simple like okay, well why should you have six to 12 months of your expenses saved up? Well, because something may happen to where whatever revenue stream you have gets cut off, then what do you do over the time period while you're waiting for that to be restored?

06:42 CS: Well, if you have savings you... Six Ps, you were properly prepared, right? And it prevented you from performing... From performing, man this is hard to say. Pa pa pa... That's how I'm sounding right now. Anyway the six Ps, Proper Prior Preparation Prevents Poor Performance and I think it's like anything. It's just about saying, "Hey let me do the work on the front end." Who are enjoying their spring and their summer, but then winter comes and one of them is prepared and the other one isn't.

07:12 CS: The grasshopper, it spends the winter begging for food and it's hungry when winter comes, right? But all through the spring and the summer when it's time to be preparing, they're having a good time, they're playing music, rubbing their little wings together so they can make whatever noise or I don't know, maybe that's a cricket but you get my point, same thing but they're loving it. They're just loving, just chilling, you know what I mean? And then all of a sudden, an emergency happens, winter comes and here's the thing, it's not even an emergency. They know winter is coming. They absolutely know that winter is coming, nobody is surprised when winter comes.

07:51 CS: This dang grasshopper knew the whole time that winter was gonna be coming. It's happened like their whole life, right? They are wired to know these things but when it's time to actually be preparing, they're having a good time, loving life, enjoying having just a blast and so, when winter comes the ant, on the other hand, all throughout the good weather time right? In the spring, in the summer, when it's time to get to work, they're working, they're grinding. They are just grinding. They are grinding and everybody's looking at them crazy when it's time to have fun, everybody's looking at them like that they're a kill joy because they're saying "Eh, what I wanna do is be prepared because winter is gonna come."

08:42 CS: So who are you? Are you the ant or the grasshopper? That's really what you gotta figure out. You're either the ant or the grasshopper. You're either not preparing because you're so caught up in having fun in the moment, that when the disaster strikes, you're gonna be looking sad, right? And having to beg somebody else, if you're man, some other man, some other woman to take care of your family, to take care of your... The responsibilities that you were supposed to take care of. Or you'll be the ant, prepared, ready when it happens because it's going to happen. So this is the six Ps. Proper Prior Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. So we know this story, right?

09:26 CS: You know the nerdy ass kid in school that nobody liked, everybody thought was ugly, wasn't cool, wasn't a part of the sports team, was never able to do any of those things but all he knew, he made straight As, he made good grades and everybody thought he was pretty lame because all he focused on was school and those things and then the cool kid that you know, well it turns out his ass flunked out of college because he never really learned how to read or he just never really know how to take responsibility for that part or he went to school and he ended up not going pro but he was banking on that. Now all of a sudden that dude, that was the cool cat, his ass is begging the nerd for a job because the nerd focused and handled his business and went on and did whatever it is that they were gonna do, we know this story, it's an ant and a grasshopper. Six Ps.

10:08 CS: We know life is gonna come, we know life is going to transition, you know there are going to be things in life that you can't control. You know you are going to have to be prepared to take the next steps in your life. All of us are going to. We need to be preparing now. Some of it is as simple as this. Like you see it all the time, somebody dies and then you see a GoFundMe to help bury them. This is crazy because we know we're gonna die, we don't know when we're going to die but we know it's coming. Life insurance, term life insurance and full disclosure, I'm an insurance agent, I have an insurance business but that doesn't... I'm not asking you to buy anything from me, I'm telling you, if you're listening to this, you should have life insurance. I don't care if you have kids or not, you should have life insurance, you should at least have enough to bury you.

10:57 CS: If you got a family, you should at least have enough to where you leaving, your income leaving is not leaving them in a desperate situation. Situation. Six Ps man. Proper Prior Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. Those who fail to plan, should plan to fail. It's just that simple. We see it all the time, "We're having a barbecue and a fish fry to bury little June June" because all of a sudden nobody decided to go get life insurance. What are we doing? What are we doing? That's insane. That's insane. You can get term life insurance for like a dollar or something today it's cheap. $100,000 policy, $200,000 policy. That you should have some permanent life insurance somewhere in there. You should be getting some but at the least, you can have some term insurance. Definitely.

11:49 CS: Maybe in another podcast, someday down the road, we'll get into specific things. I'm starting to sound like... A little bit. Six Ps, Proper Prior Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. Those who fail to plan, should plan to fail. You have an opportunity and a responsibility to take control over where your life goes, as much as you can control. There's some things you can't control, some things are gonna happen that you're not prepared for and you didn't know it was gonna happen, right? But the things that you are aware of and should be thinking about, you need to be prepared for them. It's just as simple as that. It's one of the greatest lessons we can learn because if you get to that point or that outcome, where the thing happens, right? You run into traffic or a kid gets sick or somebody die and you are not prepared, you have to take responsibility for that. It's your fault. It's absolutely on you and the moment that you decide to say, "Hey, it start... It begins and ends with me and the choices that I make" the better off you're gonna be.

12:54 CS: Personal responsibility. Nobody wants to say that nowadays. Everybody likes to say it's somebody else's fault or give you an excuse for not knowing and listen, I'm not sitting here as somebody who has always had it figured out. I had my oldest son when I was 20 years old. I had no money, I had no parents, I had nobody to go to and a lot of the time growing up, me and his mother struggled, she had more money, more resources than me so she was able to do more. Right? In hindsight I think that was pretty whack of me. Right? But you grind and you work and you work and when you know better, you do better. It's just as simple as that. When you know better, you do better but you have to take responsibility for the direction of your life and the people that you have been put in charge of caring for. Proper Prior Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. Those who fail to plan, should plan to fail. These are the six Ps.

[music]

13:49 CS: Thank you guys for tuning in. This has been episode six. Please like, comment, subscribe. What are those things? What's the situation? Who's somebody that you know in your life that just wasn't prepared for the outcome? How did that happen? What was the outcome there? You know what it is. Tell me all about it, I'd love to hear from you. Again this is The Art of Hope show. Thank you for tuning in to my experiment and being a part of this. Have a great day.

Filed Under: Inspiration, Podcast

January 5, 2021 by Chadwick

Pressure

What does it mean to experience pressure in your life? For many of us, there’s pressure that comes externally; family, friends etc. External pressure can be significant, but the real pressure is the type that comes when you decide to stop playing life safe, living by the status quo, and become the person that you are supposed to be. Pressure will expose you for who you really are. It’s going to define what it is you actually stand for when the heat gets turned up. Pressure is a process of squeezing all that is weak, all that is fragile, and all that is timid out of us.

I believe we need more of it, because you don’t know who you are when everything is comfortable. You don’t know who you are when life is this fairytale, where nothing goes wrong and everything goes your way and everybody likes you and everybody’s giving you an opportunity and everybody’s singing your praises and telling you how great you are. Because that’s all bullsh*t. You can’t know who you are in those moments. You don’t know who you are until life punches you in the face. Until you’re faced with disappointment and setback, and everything seems to go wrong, and you gotta make a decision, “Do I fold or do I go?” ‘Cause see, that’s what pressure does. Pressure busts pipes and creates diamonds. Pressure exposes you.

All of you want to think that we’re built for the tough times. But the truth is many of you are not. Many of you have made a decision that when the going gets tough, you will get going. And that’s what pressure does. Pressure exposes you.

Imagine working a job you hate day after day 18 hour shifts and you’re still not making enough money at the end of the month to take care of all your bills and your lady is giving you all type of heat because you’re “not the man that you’re supposed to be.” That’s Pressure. What do you do? Do you turn to alcohol? Get high? Or do you try to escape some other way? Maybe you spend your last few dollars at the strip club so they can tell you beautiful lies about how much of the man you think you are but when in reality, you’re a coward using that club to hide from yourself. In that moment that’s who you are.

Pressure is exposing each of us. What do you do? You see, in order for a diamond to be formed, it has to go through intense heat and pressure over a prolonged period of time.

In each of us, God, the Creator of the universe is trying to pull the diamond from within us. And sometimes that means that we have to experience heat and pressure over a prolonged period of time throughout moments in our life. But we have to be willing to endure it.

Adversity has a way of introducing a man to whom self I hope you are happy with the person you’re introduced to.

You can also download The Art of Hope Show podcast here.

Check out some other videos here.

[music]

00:03 Speaker 1: Welcome to The Art of Hope podcast with your host Chadwick Sapenter.

00:08 Chadwick Sapenter: If you're willing to dream bigger than whatever your environment is then anything is possible.

00:12 S1: It's time to create the path to your success by overcoming your past, embracing your present and outlining your future.

00:20 CS: Today that goal becomes a reality.

00:22 S1: Every journey begins with the first step. So let's begin. The Art of Hope podcast.

00:32 CS: Welcome to The Art of Hope. This is episode seven. My name is Chadwick Sapenter. So today on episode seven we're gonna be talking about pressure. What is pressure? How are you dealing with pressure? What does it mean to experience pressure in your life? See, for many of us, there's pressure that comes externally. Family, friends, things like that, whether... Peer pressure and all of that type of shit but the real pressure that comes is with you deciding to become the person that you are supposed to be. The pressure... Pressure will expose you. Pressure will expose you for who you really are. It's going to define what it is you actually stand for when the heat gets turned up. You see, pressure is a process of squeezing all that is weak, all that is fragile, all that is timid out of us.

01:42 CS: And we need pressure. You see, because you don't know who you are when everything is comfortable. You don't know who you are when life is this fairytale where nothing goes wrong and everything goes your way and everybody likes you and everybody's giving you an opportunity and everybody's singing your praises and telling you how great you are. Because that's all bullshit. You don't know who you are in those moments. You don't know who you are until life punches you in the face. Until you're faced with disappointment and setback, and everything seems to go wrong, and you gotta make a decision, "Do I fold or do I go?" 'Cause see, that's what pressure does. Pressure busts pipes and creates diamonds. Pressure exposes us.

02:31 CS: See, I know I struggle with ease and comfort. Being at this point in my life right now is hard for me because it's not a lot of pressure. There's no serious threats of violence. I really don't feel like I'm gonna fail. My experiences have shown me if I do these things the right way then they'll work out. And that's scary as hell because I thrive under pressure. I appreciate having my back against the wall and having to make decisions with very little information and I just gotta act off of instinct. What do I know? Who am I? Pressure exposes that and it is exposing you too. You see, you thought that you could handle extreme circumstances. You thought that you could handle setbacks. You thought that you wanted to be an entrepreneur. You thought that you wanted to go to medical school or law school, you thought that you were ready to be a parent, and that it was gonna be all easy. See you thought these things, but then all of a sudden you lost all your money. Your investor backed out. You got a full-time job and you got school and you gotta figure how you're gonna pay rent. Your kids get sick, baby's mom is gone, baby's dad's gone, kid has an illness. Who are you? How you are responding to life's setbacks, pit stops and downfalls is who you are.

04:25 CS: All of us want to think that we're built for the tough times. But the truth is many of us are not. Many of us have made a decision that when the going gets tough, well hell, our asses get going. And that's what pressure does. Pressure exposes you. You gotta work that job, you... Four days in on 18-hour shifts, you're tired. And you're still not making enough money at the end of the week and at the end of the month to take care of all your bills and your lady is giving you all type of heat because you're not the man that you're supposed to be. Pressure. What do you do? You turn to the bottle. You leave to go get high. You try to escape some other way. You spend your last few dollars at the strip club so they can tell you beautiful lies about how much of the man you think you are but when in reality, you are a lazy piece of shit. That's who you are.

05:30 CS: And because even when you're at work, you're not really working, which is why you ain't got a promotion, which is why your boss is giving you shit all the time. Because you keep effing up. You're not doing what you're supposed to be doing. Or maybe you are and it's just not working out. But for the most part, I've seen... No, I won't say that. I'll say I believe because I have seen people bust their ass and it just not work out. And so I don't wanna look down on anybody that that's your reality. So, if that's you, if you're the person busting your ass, locked in, putting in the work, and things just aren't going your way, not you, not you. I'm celebrating you because you understand pressure. Because you're getting up everyday, you responded to it, and you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. I'm talking to the lazy son of a bitch that has decided that they would rather have fun or... They just don't feel like doing the things that they need to do. And maybe I'm hard on it because I hate those lazy things in me. I hate those areas of weakness in my life. The lies that I tell to myself about what I'm going to do and not doing it. Pressure is exposing all of us.

06:54 CS: And so what do you do when you get pressed? How do you respond when things are not working the way that they're supposed to? Where do you turn to? Do you flee? Do you retreat? Do you just soak in your emotions and your feelings, and you try to find people to make you feel better about feeling bad? Is that who you are? You need your mom to validate you because you're not handling this shit at home and so she can dog out your wife or your girlfriend because you've been a lazy asshole, you're not taking care of your kids the way you're supposed to, not because you're trying, but because you're actually too lazy because you wanna binge Netflix all damn day long. Because you have to get through your 12th season on NBA 2K. Or you really, man, you've been struggling to beat this team on Madden. That's you, you lazy asshole. That's who I'm talking to. Because it's okay to fail when you're working your ass off, but you're not a failure because you're lazy, you're not even a quitter. You just suck.

08:09 CS: And the pressure exposes you because the moment that you get called out on those things, usually what happens, and I'm talking to men right now, like the... I'm talking to males. How about that? Because some of you are men, you lazy assholes, and the people around you are suffering because you're lazy. And so, what we know is that when men fail to lead, chaos follows. When men fail to lead, chaos follows. Show me any broken family, show me any wayward child, and I'm gonna show you a father who's been absent either physically or emotionally or completely neglectful or abusive. You show me. And I'm gonna show you a man who didn't do what he was supposed to do. And so some of you think well, there aren't really that many opportunities out here where I'm from. So these jobs, man, they're not really paying nothing. Man, the fast food restaurants are only paying $10 an hour. I'll bust my ass and if I worked 10 now, that's 40 hours a week, $400, $1600 a month. I can make that in the weekend on the block selling a little of this, a little of that.

09:25 CS: And so you think it's a good alternative because the money's coming faster. That's what you think. But then what happens when you get busted. You get busted and now you're going to be spending the next 5-10 years in jail. So let's do some quick math. If you were to just take that $10 an hour assuming you never got a raise, you're working this job that you feel like is a dead-end job. So you're making $10 an hour, working 40 hours a week, that's $400 a week, let's say four weeks in a month, that's $1600 a month. Let's multiply that times 12. Let me get a calculator. Say 1600 times 12... All right, that's $19,200 a year. That's tough. It's not that much money. Now multiply that by 10 years. All right, that's only $192,000 over 10 years. That's a tough way to make a living, but here's the thing, it's 2019, you got access to Uber if you have a vehicle. If you have a bike, you can deliver food, grocery deliveries, there's a bunch of different ways to make extra money.

10:56 CS: There's all types of service in this sharing economy where you can make extra money, so you can... If that was your reality, you're only gonna make $10 an hour for whatever reason, $19,200 a year for 10 years, that's $192,000, so let's say, but then you say, "Okay, well shoot, in two days, I can make that same $1600 and do that every two days." All right, so let's just say if you make $1600 a week because that's all you really gotta work, $1600 a week times four, that's $6400 a week, times 12, that's $76,800. All right? $76,800 in a year. That's a lot more money compared. But now let's say you get away with this for two years. So for two years, you're making that $76,800. So, after two years, you get arrested, and you go to jail for that 10 years. You go to jail for 10 years. You made $153,600 in two years. Now I told you, if you worked that $10 an hour, $1600 a month, that would have been $192,000 after 10 years. Now okay, you say, "Well, shoot. The math makes more sense to make $1600 a week." But you just got arrested. So your silly ass is going to jail over $1600 a week.

12:18 CS: You're gonna spend jail... Be in jail for 10 years. Alright, now you're making no money or you've seen 13th, you're ass is enslaved. That's what you're doing. You're making 50 cents an hour or some shit, making honey buns for a company or sewing up socks or some shit. Fighting wildfires and they're never gonna hire you to be a firefighter. Some shit like that because your ass decided to make some quick money because you thought it was smart. This is really stupid. It's... I hope you hear it the tone of my voice. This is a dumbass decision. Don't do it. Now, let's go back. In two years, you made $153,600. You go to jail for 10 years so that means you're making zero. Now in that same 10 years, for that $153,600 that you gave up 10 years of your freaking life for, you would have made $192,000. So you would have came out on top, and you wouldn't had a damn cell with somebody who's shitting in the same dang prison as you, you would have had some freedom, you would have been able to figure some other stuff out.

13:17 CS: But nope, your ass is in jail. You're reading a lot of books and telling a bunch of lies to other dudes who made some dumbass decisions, some of them wrongfully but eh, we don't know. Everybody's innocent and shit. Okay, now you're in jail 10 years. You had three children in that time when you were out when you were the man because you can get... Your little Charger and shit with the rims or whatever.

13:40 CS: Fresh pair of Jordans. Wait... You got somebody who can wait in line for your ass. Because that's what's really important. Alright, 10 years your three children now, they were four, six and two when you went to jail. You've been gone for 10 years. Ten years, their father is gone for $153,600. Now they have nothing. Mom has to try to figure it out. So kids are raising themself on the streets. Some hustler that got their hands on your daughter impressing her with the same bullshit you was chasing. Now what? Now what?

14:15 CS: You said, "Man, I'll do anything for my kids. The pressure's on me. I gotta eat, I gotta do what I gotta do to eat" and all that stuff, or whatever. How the hell are your kids eating now? How they eating now? What are they doing? You did all that, all that that you said that was for them. You were willing to go to jail for 10 years for them, and deal with everything that comes with that. But you had too much pride to go make $10 an hour for 10 years. Never look down on a man willing to bust his ass and get to work. I don't care what the job is. You never look at somebody down willing to get up every single day and get to work.

14:58 CS: And if you're in a position where you say, "Man, that's a hard working man. Let me try to help him." That's what you should do. You should try to create opportunities so that this person can increase their earning potential. You don't get to look down on somebody willing to bust their ass and work. Now you lazy suckers, you dudes, you scapegoats. You, that is trying to find the easy way out. You that is sacrificing your entire family, your children's future, their legacy, over some bullshit weed. Over selling some pills. You, you a sucker. I don't care what they tell you, you a sucker.

15:34 CS: And there's nothing okay about that. We gotta do better. And listen, I'm saying this, my father was a sucker. He lost his life because he loved the streets more than he loved his children. So he died when I was eight years old. Addicted to heroin. Got AIDS from sharing drug needles. Streets don't love nobody. This pressure is exposing you. It's exposing your pride and who you are because you think that a real man is somebody who's gonna really be willing to get out on the block or whatever it is, to go get it. No the real man is gonna say, "Yo, I'm taking my ass to work and I'm gonna keep working here and when I'm off of here, I'm gonna try to get a new trade or a new skill so I can get better."

16:15 CS: Pressure is exposing each of us. All of us are being exposed. What do you do? What do you do? You see, in order for a diamond to be formed... In order for a diamond, this precious pristine jewel to be formed, it has to go through intense heat and pressure over a prolonged period of time. Intense heat and pressure over a prolonged period of time. In each of us, God, the Creator of the universe is trying to pull the diamond from within us. And sometimes that means that we have to experience heat and pressure over a prolonged period of time. But you have to be willing to endure it.

17:27 CS: You have to be willing to suffer under it, you have to be willing to be pressed and pressed, and pressed, and molded into that stone, and then be willing to display yourself as a flawless beautiful creation. You see, there's no shame in having to dust yourself off, stand up, and being willing to face humiliation, setbacks, shame, stumbling, failure, but getting up... But getting up, getting up. Learning something new. Becoming whatever it is that we need to be, developing the skill set. Earning our way. There's nothing wrong in it, there's no shame in that. There's no shame in having to do it the long way. There's no shame of having to go get your real estate license, your insurance license and say, "You know what, man, I'm gonna figure this out."

18:50 CS: There's no shame in that, there's no shame in saying, I'm going to take it the hard way, and the long way in the beginning, in order for me to get there. I'm talking to you, young man, young woman, grown man, grown woman, there's no shame in that. What you should be ashamed of is not following through on those things that you say you were going to do because the pressure gets too hot, or gets too tough, or it's taking too long, so you just give up, and you say, "Man, I'm just checking out because it's not gonna work out for me." That's what you should be ashamed of. That's what's always pissing me off about myself is that weakness that doesn't see through the things that I say I'm going to do. Forget anybody else's expectations, I owe it to me to follow through.

19:39 CS: I owe it to me to overcome. I have not gone through these things, I have not experienced this heat and this pressure in my life, just to stay the same. I haven't made it through these trials just so that I can be the same person and neither have you. You see, your life, for some of you, is just working out. It's an easy road, it's smooth, it's frictionless, for some of you that's the reality, and I respect it, if that's your reality. And I appreciate it. I want that type of reality for my children. But the truth is, even if I try to make the road that they have to face as easy as possible, they're still gonna face their own trials. They're still going to be things that happen in their life that they need to overcome. The pressure, whether it be the pressure of expectations, the pressures of having privilege, the pressure of having desires, is going to eat at them, and it will expose them in the same way that it is exposing each of you, and the same way that pressure has exposed me.

21:00 CS: You see, pressure is not the problem. Pressure is a part of the process. Pressure is exposing us. What's inside of you is coming out the longer you're pressed. So who are you? Who are you now, and who do you need to become in order to endure the intense heat and pressure that is required to make you a diamond?

[music]

21:33 CS: Thank you guys for tuning in. This is episode seven of the Art of Hope Show. Please like, subscribe, leave a comment, leave a five star review, and thank you for coming with me on this journey, helping me keeping a promise to myself of me putting myself out there, and being willing to be criticized a little bit. Well, I can take it, I can take the heat. So let me know what pressure you face. What's some pressure you face? How are you overcoming it? Don't fold. Don't bend. Don't break. The pressure's coming, but you built for it.

Filed Under: Inspiration, My Blog, Podcast

April 6, 2020 by Chadwick

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What are your personal standards? Is there a standard or a code that you live by? For me my personal standard has evolved over the years with my overall goal being the best that I can be in every area of my life. I want to be the best father I can be, I want to be t he best leader and entrepreneur I can be, I want The Art of Hope to be the best podcast that it can be. Having a high standard is something that I’ve desired privately privately for myself but I was never willing to voice it because once I expressed the standard I was aspiring towards I could then be held accountable.

I grew up in a neighborhood where if you look out your door, you could see the results of low expectations everywhere. Which meant that you didn’t have to strive for much because there isn’t an expectation to become much of anything. For example, society will put low expectations on you to say, “Well, if you come from a certain place and you’ve had certain experiences, then you shouldn’t be held to the same standard as other people. It’s actually okay for you not to accomplish anything because of where you come from.” And so what happens, is that typically people that come from poor areas, they lower the standard because there’s a belief that you can’t accomplish the same thing.

My goal in this episode is to challenge that belief and share my thoughts on why it’s important that we raise the standard for ourselves, our families, and our communities.

My goal is to make this the best podcast for people looking for hope, thank you for listening.

You can download The Art of Hope Show podcast here

A link to the episode on Youtube can be found here

00:01 Speaker 1: Thank you for tuning in to The Art of Hope Show. My name is Chadwick Sapenter. I'm looking forward to today's show. In today's show, we're going to be discussing standards, how low standards impact us and why we should raise the standards that we have for ourself and for the people around us.

[music]

00:23 Speaker 2: Welcome to The Art of Hope podcast with your host Chadwick Sapenter.

00:28 S1: If you're willing to dream bigger than whatever your environment is, then anything is possible.

00:33 S2: It's time to create the path to your success by overcoming your past, embracing your present and outlining your future.

00:40 S1: Today, that goal becomes a reality.

00:42 S2: Every journey begins with the first step. So let's begin The Art of Hope podcast.

00:51 S1: See, I grew up in a neighborhood where... Or I'll say neighborhoods where if you look out your door, you could see the result of low expectations everywhere. You could see what was happening because people had a low standard of how they expected themselves to carry on and how... And what outcomes that they expected. And so that's me growing up, seeing what low expectations does to an environment because if you have low expectations, then you're not hard on yourself when you don't achieve and achievement matters because you... For example, society will put low expectations on you to say, "Well, if you come from a certain place and you've had certain experiences, then you shouldn't be held to the same standard as other people. It's actually okay for you not to accomplish anything because of where you come from." And so what happens, though, is that typically people that come from poor areas, and they'll usually do this with black people, Mexican people, they will... I mean, we see it all the time. They lower the standard because there's a belief that you can't accomplish the same thing.

02:15 S1: There's some national merit scholarships that says, "Okay, if you qualify forward, if you're in the top 1%, but if you're black," or a term I never use like minority, right? I'm not... Ain't no minor about me. I never use that phrase. But if they put you on one of these categories, then they say, "Well, if you're in the top 3%, lowering the standard for you." I think there's an attempt to say there's been some hardships and injustices that have happened to specific groups of people, so we need to make some concessions to give them time to catch up. In a way, I get it. I understand the attempt, but I think in execution, basically, what it's saying is, "We don't think you're smart enough. We don't think you're capable enough so we wanna make a concession, you with your... You, so that you can... So that this is what it looks like to be equal because something inherently is inferior about you." And I think that's just nonsense, but forget externally, what people... What expectations people set for you or what standards people have for you because that doesn't matter so much. It's not the people outside of you whose expectations and standards have the greatest impact.

03:29 S1: What are your own personal standards? Are you pursuing excellence in everything that you do or are you giving yourself out? Are you pursuing excellence in everything that you do or have you given yourself a way out and made it okay for you to just fall short in certain areas? Because one of the things that I believe is that, if we raise the standard, then we raise the family. And if you raise the family, you raise the community. If you raise the community, you change the culture of the people group that you're around, but it starts with raising the standard forward within the family. Through one of my organisation, a non-profit, we work with a ton of young people. And my thing is I don't like talking about problems, I just wanna get my hands dirty. I'm gonna get in the streets and I'm going to try to be a solution toward some of these problems, but what often happens, we'll go into schools. And what you will see is the results of these low expectations and low standards. Teachers are struggling trying to get DeAndre to read instead of DeAndre dealing with the reading problem, DeAndre cusses out the teacher. And then the teacher calls the parent, and then the parent makes an excuse for the child because the parent's embarrassed at this also.

04:47 S1: One example I remember my wife, she was doing some student teaching at a middle school, and I don't know what book they were reading or whatever it is. And if you met my wife, is just... She's a sweetheart. She's an amazing woman. She's just laid back. She's chill. She's nice to everybody and she really deeply has a compassion for just people, all people. And so she's doing... They're going around the circle and having the kids read and she gets to this kid, I don't know his name, and it's not important 'cause I'm not trying to embarrass the kid because it's just a story, but she gets to him, and he's like, "Bitch, I told you I don't wanna read." He cusses her out. And my wife, I think, at that time, she was probably a lot more innocent than when she met me because you know, but at that time, she was a lot nicer. And so she was in shock that somebody would actually talk to her like this, especially a young person who she's just like, "I just asked him to read. I don't understand what happened." And so the parents come in and sit down with the principal and them, and then the mom does exactly what I just told you, she says, "Well, he told you he didn't wanna read." Now, this kid is screwed. Unless something has changed or somebody's intervened somewhere.

06:08 S1: I'm curious to know what's happened with this specific kid, but I can tell you tons of these stories where you have parents who lower the standard. Who say, "It's okay for you... The expectation is for you to excel and to be elite as an athlete." To be the best basketball, football player, the fastest kid. And so there's a standard of excellence when it comes to that sport. I think that's a good thing. But that standard is not matched when it comes to the other important, either equally or more important just depending on what matters to you, areas of your life. So for example, it's not okay for you to be a great athlete but a horrible student. Not to say... Now, some people actually have learning disabilities. There are things within their brain that they cannot control that prevent them from being able to learn and retain information. That is some people's story. Regardless of the color of their skin, we know that's the fact.

07:01 S1: Now, in those cases we should be getting people help. There are plenty of resources, especially if you're in America, there are resources at just about every school that can help you if you have a learning disability. Often what happens though is that people will be too embarrassed to actually get the help that they need. Nobody wants to admit that they have a learning disability. So instead of saying, "Hey, I actually have a disability, I need help. Let me get into the special education program." People will much rather pretend like everything's okay to avoid the stigma of being labeled as Special Ed or the kids call SPED. But here's the thing, you pretending you don't have a problem doesn't mean you don't have a problem and it doesn't make the problem go away. All it does is prevent you from actually getting the help by identifying the problem and solving it, taking advantage of the resources. But let's say your jump shot be off. Let you be in a situation to where you need extra training and parents are breaking their back to do these things.

08:03 S1: Now, here's the thing, I'm not attacking any specific group. I'm just telling you one from my own experiences, this is what I see. And then for me, who somebody who's deeply concerned about family and communities, especially families and communities of poor people not just poor people that are black or brown, but poor people in general, we see these things happening. And I'm somebody who's grown up extremely poor and I don't want that cycle repeated for my children. So I'm not speaking as an outsider. This is my lived experience. I know what low standards did to me and it wasn't until somebody called me out and said, "Look it's not okay. Your situation doesn't define you. Do something about your life. You can. It's just a matter of what you're gonna do. Stop making excuses. And I've had plenty of mentors. I've had coaches that all called me out and held me to a higher standard even when I wanted to leave it.

08:50 S1: My mother we grew up at the height of the crack era. We grew up in areas where it was violent and gangs were taken off in San Antonio and it was extremely violent. People were getting killed daily. These things were going on. But my mother no matter what was going on, how poor we are, no matter how many days we went out food, she never allowed the environment that we grew up in to dictate what our standard was. She said, "No, reading is important. So we began reading early. Education is important. All of these things. And so even when I acted in a way that was contrary, I knew what the standard was. It wasn't because the standard was lower for me, it's just because I wanted to rebel against it. So I say this, We need to raise the standards to raise the family.

09:35 S1: And if we raise the families then we raise the communities. What we have to do is take inventory and say, "Hey, am I giving myself a pass? Is my child doing something wrong and I'm not addressing it because I don't wanna deal with the confrontation or the conflict? Am I a dad who has been absent from my child's life and making an excuse, "My baby mama be tripping. Or I can't stand the kid's mom." Whatever it is. Are you somebody who's making an excuse for that situation? Have you said, "Well, you know what? I'm not taking care of my child or loving my son or whatever it is because some other... " You're lowering the standard and then you have other people who are making an excuse to say it was not their fault. It's not their fault.

10:26 S1: We have to assume 100% responsibility for the things that we've been given, the privilege to steward over by God. Our families, our children, our jobs, the environment, the community and place that we live in. We all have a responsibility to do our part to uplift those things and to cultivate those things and make them better than where they started. We have a responsibility to do so. But lower standards lower the culture. And if we continue to just lower the standards then what that means is that we will keep seeing struggle with reading and writing. We will say, "Well, that's just not for... " And I have people saying this all the time, that somehow that whether it's the school system is set up for black kids to fail because black kids can't sit... Nonsense like that. Kids can sit still and can learn. We have to just make that important. And it starts at home. It starts with saying, "You know what? I struggle with math or I struggle with reading or whatever it is. But my kids won't. So I'm gonna make sure that I am introducing them to these things at a young age." Sometimes it means we gotta turn the TV off and we have to make it a priority to be getting these things done. We have to help our kids, our sons, our daughters understand that it's not okay to just pass, that there's an expectation for you to be excellent. Sometimes you'll fall short of that expectation but it doesn't change the expectation. The standard is the standard.

12:01 S1: And that's one of the things with my sons, I have a 16 year old and I have younger sons that is six, four and almost two. And my goal with them is just to understand, "Listen, you were created for a purpose. You were made by God to be great." And I've tried to reinforce this since they were little kids and get them to understand that the standard is the standard. The expectation does not change just because your feelings change. The expectation is not lowered just because you don't feel like it. Nobody cares. Nobody cares how you feel. The standard is the standard. So we have to keep the standard high and even... Listen, the problem that we often have in society is not that people have set too high standards and fell short of them. That's not the problem. The problem is often that people have set their standards too low and actually achieved it. Have set the standards too low and actually achieved it.

13:01 S1: We gotta raise those standards, and we gotta set higher expectations for what we expect for ourselves, what we expect for our children, what we expect for our families, and then how we plan to be involved in the communities. Because what happens is this, because you have a lower standard, we accept nonsense. And so I'm not trying to offend anybody, and I'm not trying to say, "Well hey, I'm better than you, so do it my way." What I'm saying is that, we have thousands of years of history where we can look at cultures, we can look at European cultures, we can look at African cultures, we can look at Asian cultures, we can look at... We can look at communities north, south, east and west, and we can say, "Hey lower standards have led to bad things." And we have plenty examples of those things. And so what I'm saying is this, if we will raise our standards, we can raise our, the families, so we should... It starts there, it starts with raising your own personal standards, raising the standards that you have within your own family, and then the standards in the community change as a result of that.

14:18 S1: And as you start to introduce a higher standard, the culture of whatever that community group will change, and it's across the board. We accept this notion that it's okay for grown men to not take responsibility, right? We call 18, 19, 20, 21, 25-year-old men, "Oh, he's just a kid." No. No. You don't get to just be a boy forever, adolescence is some bullshit, adolescence is some straight BS. You don't get to figure it out and play around until you're 30. There's not a magic age where all of a sudden, "Oh now I get it, I've grown up." That's not how it works, we gotta take responsibility now. Young men, man up, young women, woman up. Raise the standard for what you expect for yourself, what you expect for your community, and what you will tolerate for yourself. And so, I believe that if we have strong men, we will have better communities. I believe that if we have men willing to lead in sacrificing for their families, our families will be stronger.

15:26 S1: I believe that if we have men who are being altruistic, putting the needs of others before themselves, and leading, being willing to stand up for what's right no matter what culture says. Being able to determine that regardless of what's going on, here's how I'm operating. If we do that, I think our society will be better, then our world will be better. So thank you guys for tuning in, my name is Chadwick Sapenter, I don't have the answers, I'm not claiming to have all the answers, I'm just on here keeping a promise to myself, you don't have to like what I say, you don't even have to like how I say it, I don't even care. This ain't about you, this is about me keeping a promise to myself, and in the process, if I can help other people, I wanna do so.

16:09 S1: So tune in next time, thank you guys. Tell me, where do you see low standards having a negative impact? What can we be doing better? What does it mean to raise standards for yourself and for your own family? Where have you been making excuses in lowering the standard? I wanna know, I wanna hear all about it. Thank you guys for tuning in, looking forward to next time, have a great day.

Filed Under: Inspiration, My Blog, Podcast

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